1 MONTH

1 month until autumn begins

It’s still hot. Very hot.

I’ve seen it before: the partial summers. They’re ok, they’re still summers. I still love them, I’m still free. But this one is almost over and I keep thinking about all the things that I have done and are yet to be done. It seems like a dream, a dream in real life.

The navy-blue ocean and the white sailboat on small waves caught somewhere between Turkey and Greece. And the Zahaatar and olive oil on bread, the smell of fresh fish and deep waters. I still remember them clearly and I remember that sour lemonade and the tea.

I remember the sun and the warmth. I remember the wind and the angle of the boat and me almost falling over. I remember that week so well and I remember the time flying slow and I remember those moments of “Dolce Farniente”.

And I remember coming home, almost tanned, almost sunburnt. It was raining home and I was still craving adventures and waves. And they came by car alongside one Argentinian guy and to Lithuanians.  And they stayed and told me about China, Japan and Indonesian, about Malaysia and Peru, Argentina and Lithuania and I cried when Germany won. And we played tennis until we could not see the ball.

L. taught me how to make pizza the way he learnt back home in Buenos Aires. B. showed me her work and fantastic websites and told me how she made it into National Geographic. A. let me use his DSLR and explained to me which is what. Their leaving left a bitter-sweet feeling inside of me.

Even though it’s almost over, this summer has another adventure left for me starting on the 25th. I’m leaving again to the place where I first met L. and B., Baleal, near Peniche, Portugal. This is the third year we, my family and I, return there. It feels like home: the waves, the beach, the bar, the people, the surfboards. Even the wetsuits feel right when put on. 

It feels good to know that I did not waste this summer. I don’t want to go back to school, but I don’t think this is a suitable time to start thinking of it. I mean I still got 1 month left of summer.

NEW PASSIONS?

 I do PINTEREST now.

Well I heard about this website a long time ago and to be honest, curiosity never actually pushed me to find out more about it… until a month ago. And if I already started being sincere then I’m going to tell you that I have completely and utterly fallen in love with it.

And with this new and exciting website came the content that blew me off. Now, I have a blog on TUMBLR, but never really used it at its full potential. Maybe I was too lazy or knew too little to be a true TUMBLR blogger, but with PINTEREST, oh, I feel like I just found myself. This might sound very weird to you, but my weirdness is no news. 

Along with the standard “dashboard” that PINTEREST comes with, a lot of different and unexpected categories sort out the content. My top favorite is the ‘Home Décor’ section, which is absolutely gorgeous. Never have I thought that I would appreciate an interior with such great passion. The simplicity of the rooms displayed leave me with a very heart-warming feeling, hoping that someday I will have a house like that.

Being honest all the way, I have to admit that I’ve been thinking that this might be my hidden pleasure – interior design. This is somehow radical coming from me, but in a way, it all makes sense. I’m artistic and I love houses, but I never considered myself the kind of girl to love furniture. I know that I’m not going to become an interior designer, even if it sounds good to me. “The world is not a free market” as my father says. We talked about it. The successful designers are the wives of the constructors…or something like that.

In the end, I haven’t got much except for those beautiful and neat pictures to look at. It is not a future career. It is a pleasure. It is something for me and my future apartment. 

OUT WITH BFF

In my home country we have this tradition, this day off, 1st of May. It is meant for people to take a day off from whatever they’re doing, from work and enjoy themselves, get some rest. So being a person myself, I didn’t have to go to school.

I called my best friend, put on a hippie-looking outfit and we went out. Whether we like it or not, we always end up in the centre part of our city. It is beautiful and it’s one of the few things that survived the time. It has buildings, houses that date back to the first years of existence of the city. It is not forgotten or abandoned. Actually, it’s one of the most visited places. Anyone who is someonespends most of their time in this glorious area.

 And like the someones we are, we chose to go to one of the most popular cafés in town. My bestie is more of a someone in this town than me, so she’s seen this hotspot plenty. But because I’m not that outgoing I’ve never had the chance to go there. I’ve always ended up going everywhere but there.

But there are no words to describe the vibes surrounding that small café, peach pink café.

 Cafeteca is one of the few places where that retro vibe we all seek can be felt. It has a big entrance and three “booths”. We sat at the little bar-like table opposite the front door. Somewhere in the back a relatively big cork board is covered in artistic notes and stickers. A few pictures hang on the walls and you can see the drains running through the ceiling.

This is not your ordinary fancy café. This is the place where you write in your hipster-ish red notebook, drinking Ice Coffee. This is the place where you sit back and observe. 

To my surprise, this is a place for my taste.

HAVE I EVER?

Have I ever?

Have I ?

Ever?

Told myself how beautiful I am?

How great my smile is?

How funny my jokes are?

Have I ever felt like I was truly right? Like there is nothing to deny me and my whole existence?

Have I ever stopped criticizing my curvy and too curvy parts? Have I truly accepted who I am and who I was?

Have I ever forgiven myself for all the mistakes done in the past? Have I truly made peace with my own heart?

Have I?

Ever?

Said ‘I love you’ to the person in the mirror? And have I ever hugged myself in my thoughts?

How hard can it be for me to break free from all the rules I make up for myself?

How hard can it be to break free?

From everything?

From the too silly and too bad jokes; and too short and too wide girl; with the not so very light skin that they all appreciate so much; with surreal dreams and head up in the sky?

Have I ever?

Have I ever told you how angry I am? How hopeless and how worthless I feel?

 How the society we build and live in makes me want to jump off the limits of life, that society itself imposed?

 How I want to break free from normality?

 To finally embrace my weirdness that all of them so openly like to point out?

Have I ever?

Asked why?

Why?

Why all the judgement? Why all the pain? Why all the people against each other? Why all the war? Why all the hunger and thirst? Why all ignorance? Why all of us are not a whole?

Why not acceptance? Why not love? Why not all the people next to each other? Why not the peace? Why not the help? Why not aware? Why not unite?

Have I ever?

Said all the things that I was screaming so loud in my head? Made a change? Did something?

Have I ever?

Tried becoming the person I think I am?

Tried becoming the person my dog thinks I am?

Tried? Anything?

Have YOU ever?

Have YOU?

EVER?

Poem To You

I spent half of a second to think about you

And it took me years to get you out of my

Heart.

I stabbed myself with sharp words

That scratched my own throat when said out

Loud.

I made myself promises and swore

To you, to me, to us, that I will forget the

Past.

I let you fall

and I looked at you from

Afar.

I did not care then, but I do care now

And I am sorry for not picking you

Up.

You were the one that made me question

Who I was and who am

I.

I thank you now for then

I am sorry for then ; yet I love you

Now. 

Overcoming THE GAP | AUSTIN KLEON AND IRA GLASS

Hello!

I’m going to start with a confession. These past weeks have been very difficult for me.

I’ve been in a trance and now I feel like I’ve been awaken to life. Have you ever felt like you know there is more to the world than what you are experiencing at that moment, but can’t do anything about it? Have you ever felt like the only way out of that cage is to CREATE, to be INSPIRED, to be ARTistic? Well, that has been my problem.

I couldn’t find the inspiration in anything. I was completely lost; not knowing where to start / how to continue. But thanks to some lovely people of the Internet I’ve made it; I escaped my own cage.

Firstly, I discovered ‘Steal Like an Artist’ by Austin Kleon. There are not enough words to say how much that book has helped me nor how much I love it. Here is what he says:

So, no matter what you do or who you are, if you want to become a little more creative, this is for you. I urge you to read it!

Whilst reading the book, I came by a very beautiful video that lifted me up and helped overcome my inability of being inspired. It gave me the strength and the confidence that I needed. So, if you are in the same place that I was 3 days ago, here it is:

It’s a good thing I’m confident and inspired again. I’m in a good place, probably the best.

Aloha!

Aloha!

My name is Andreea and there is nothing in the whole world that could possibly take me down right now.

I’m in my teenage years, even though sometimes I feel like I’m way older. My imagination keeps me warm and I love hot weather. I have dreams and I have notebooks and friends. I have spare time and passion. I love films. I also love adventures. I surf. I don’t know in which direction my life is heading because you don’t quite know that when you’re fifteen (almost sixteen), but I have a very interesting theory regarding teenagers and this overwhelming part of our lives. 

When I was 12 I went through my first heartbreak. I know. Cute.  But when it came down to being alone, single, it seemed frightening. As a child you have your family, friends around you so you’re used to a certain kind of love - not the romantic type. When I first fell in love I thought I was going to get hurt, literally, because my legs were shaking so bad and I was falling-in love. But it was beautiful and it felt strange and amazing  and those butterflies in my stomach that wouldn’t let me think straight and the thought of him waiting me to finish my class so that we could just see each other. Everything. When you first fall in love you think that the world it’s not getting better than this. It’s kinda Heaven-ish.

But wait. There comes the part when it gets NOT OK. And you feel like it’s your fault… or not. But you either are the dumped one or the one that dumps. But I was the first thing. He broke up with me through a text because when you’re twelve that’s how you do it. My world fell apart with everything I ever thought I was. I was a nobody. That was the time when I realized I was a copy of my peers. I didn’t have any personality and there was nothing special about me except from my braces and short hair.

I got a little bit sad for a month or two. I little bit depressed. I started being this stereotypical emo girl, listening to rock music, feeling sadder than ever. Actually, I felt numb. That feeling was filling me up and I was enjoying my sorrow. It felt like everything around was as awful as everything that was going on inside of me.

Two months of feeling like shit I fucking decided that I’m gonna end it all. I said “This is it. I can’t take it anymore”.  So I tried.

And I was damn successful. I changed. No… I didn’t think about suicide. I never ever considered dying a solution to my sadness or anything else. Being unhappy does not mean that dying will make you feel any different. As a Christian I believe in God, and life after death with Him, where there is nothing but love and happiness, but as a different person from me, you are allowed to believe in what you believe and that might not be Heaven. So this is a message to everybody that thought about taking their own life: DON’T! because it gets better.  

As I said, I changed. “I’m going to be happy and I’m going to change my life around. I’m going to build dreams for myself and find who I really am”. So I did. Slowly, unconsciously, finding all the things that could make up a brief definition of me. I started finding the music that described me, that fit me the best, I started watching the world through different eyes, noticing things I never even knew existed before and enjoying every moment, smiling more – even if sometimes I wasn’t in the mood; slowly I became the happiest person on Earth. I remember feeling unstoppable. And I was. I still am.

So, my theory is that being a teenager ( a human being, in general)  is all about finding your true self, finding the little things that make you different from others, gaining that courage to go out of your comfort zone and experience everything – BUT NOT DRUGS. I found myself because of a boy that broke my heart and I am thankful for him, because if I didn’t go through that sad stage maybe I wouldn’t be myself today.

Not to mention the fact that he came back, asking me to give him another chance because he “loved” me.

I DIDN’T.

until 3 weeks later.