Aloha!

Aloha!

My name is Andreea and there is nothing in the whole world that could possibly take me down right now.

I’m in my teenage years, even though sometimes I feel like I’m way older. My imagination keeps me warm and I love hot weather. I have dreams and I have notebooks and friends. I have spare time and passion. I love films. I also love adventures. I surf. I don’t know in which direction my life is heading because you don’t quite know that when you’re fifteen (almost sixteen), but I have a very interesting theory regarding teenagers and this overwhelming part of our lives. 

When I was 12 I went through my first heartbreak. I know. Cute.  But when it came down to being alone, single, it seemed frightening. As a child you have your family, friends around you so you’re used to a certain kind of love - not the romantic type. When I first fell in love I thought I was going to get hurt, literally, because my legs were shaking so bad and I was falling-in love. But it was beautiful and it felt strange and amazing  and those butterflies in my stomach that wouldn’t let me think straight and the thought of him waiting me to finish my class so that we could just see each other. Everything. When you first fall in love you think that the world it’s not getting better than this. It’s kinda Heaven-ish.

But wait. There comes the part when it gets NOT OK. And you feel like it’s your fault… or not. But you either are the dumped one or the one that dumps. But I was the first thing. He broke up with me through a text because when you’re twelve that’s how you do it. My world fell apart with everything I ever thought I was. I was a nobody. That was the time when I realized I was a copy of my peers. I didn’t have any personality and there was nothing special about me except from my braces and short hair.

I got a little bit sad for a month or two. I little bit depressed. I started being this stereotypical emo girl, listening to rock music, feeling sadder than ever. Actually, I felt numb. That feeling was filling me up and I was enjoying my sorrow. It felt like everything around was as awful as everything that was going on inside of me.

Two months of feeling like shit I fucking decided that I’m gonna end it all. I said “This is it. I can’t take it anymore”.  So I tried.

And I was damn successful. I changed. No… I didn’t think about suicide. I never ever considered dying a solution to my sadness or anything else. Being unhappy does not mean that dying will make you feel any different. As a Christian I believe in God, and life after death with Him, where there is nothing but love and happiness, but as a different person from me, you are allowed to believe in what you believe and that might not be Heaven. So this is a message to everybody that thought about taking their own life: DON’T! because it gets better.  

As I said, I changed. “I’m going to be happy and I’m going to change my life around. I’m going to build dreams for myself and find who I really am”. So I did. Slowly, unconsciously, finding all the things that could make up a brief definition of me. I started finding the music that described me, that fit me the best, I started watching the world through different eyes, noticing things I never even knew existed before and enjoying every moment, smiling more – even if sometimes I wasn’t in the mood; slowly I became the happiest person on Earth. I remember feeling unstoppable. And I was. I still am.

So, my theory is that being a teenager ( a human being, in general)  is all about finding your true self, finding the little things that make you different from others, gaining that courage to go out of your comfort zone and experience everything – BUT NOT DRUGS. I found myself because of a boy that broke my heart and I am thankful for him, because if I didn’t go through that sad stage maybe I wouldn’t be myself today.

Not to mention the fact that he came back, asking me to give him another chance because he “loved” me.

I DIDN’T.

until 3 weeks later.