ART & stupid stress

When it comes to my favorite things in the world I would have to say: travelling, change and art. I feel like the ideas of the first two have already been explored, that’s why I want to focus on the latter.

“Art is not a natural secretion” as one of my teachers once said. I liked the way it sounded, so I wrote it down. Whenever it crosses my mind, it brings a smile to my face. This silly sentence has so much meaning. In its underneath layer, it screams loud and clear that no matter what you do in life (even art) takes devotion, determination and inspiration; hard work, for short.

In the 21^st century, art is not only a word that screams freedom out loud, but also pleasure. Some of the sophisticated nature of the word seems to have never completely evaporated, but in the bigger picture, art has transformed in a general word for every little creative work.

There are so many ways to express nowadays that settling on one becomes harder than the creative act itself: drawing, painting, illustrating, graffiti, music, photography, film, acting, videos, writing, comics, blogs and many more others that I might not know about. The world is constantly changing and that is something that cannot be denied. But despite the fact previously stated, some of my art interests remain the same.

One of the first things of which I have been fascinated since I was little was film, acting - to be more specific. When I was twelve I wanted to grow up as fast as the lightning so I could move to USA, LA, to follow my dream of becoming an actress. I had this vision of me winning the Oscar. I had a dream, a dream so powerful that I thought there was nothing that could break it. And I was right except for one little aspect I didn’t take into consideration: the possibility of being my own dream-destroyer.

While I grew up, I had the amazing opportunity to travel - a lot - and this thing has always been inside of me (fact: this is something that I only realized this summer) whether I was talking about going to LA, New York, London or Seoul. While experiencing amazing countries, thing that at the time being I took for granted, I learned a lot about whom and why I am. I learned about the true definition of a dream and I learned about what I want to do in the future, when I grow up (hopefully, never).

Coming back home after one of those trips, my dreams slightly changed into becoming a filmmaker. And I’m not saying that it didn’t last and that it wasn’t a true dream, but my little YouTube channel (that I now plan on making over) died as a result of failed attempts of copying my favourite vloggers. The passion didn’t die out so easily, even though I wasn’t making films; I still wanted to make them. At that time, reality started poking me and my little dream-world that I created for myself stared getting farther and farther away from me. I soon began looking for film schools in London. I was sure that was something I wanted to do. My passion became more rational than spiritually creative.

In the end, something terrible happened and the fire stopped smoldering and I got numb. This was around January 2014. My creative soul was no longer glowing. There was nothing left, but a burning desire for my creative aura back. I was stuck between winter blues and a wanted inspirational mist. I sought hard, very hard for my words, my ideas, those pictures and visions (see the post “THE GAP”, which didn’t last for long) but was unable to contour myself and so I was too weak to have the strength to find those things.  I struggled hard, being more connect to reality than myself, something that never happened before. I can honestly say that was the worst time of my life.

But like most things, it got better. Spring brought back hope and my thirst for art and adventure. Alongside the flowers, my soul started blooming again. Like the storks, my creative spirit was coming home. Reality never took her actions back, so you can still see the scars. I’m still the dreaming type, but with a slightly more practical mindset.

In those bad months I developed something that I call “stupid stress”. I’ve never met anyone to have it too and I’m pretty sure it’s not a real problem, but for me it’s kind of major. However, I made up a definition:

Now, even though I’m more myself than ever, I feel the stupid stress (caused by reality) kicking in and making me worry about everything from how I’m going to pay the bills when I’m going to have my own place to where I’m going to work when I’m going to live in (insert country).

Even though I developed this thing, I feel like art is a part of me, again. I’ve been in this great place for a while now and I’m so grateful for re-finding myself. The travels this summer helped me a lot in finding a plan for my future (college and job).  In spite of being a creative person, I feel like travelling describes me even more. But the beauty about creating is that you can twist it and bend it and play with it and so, being creative while travelling is going to be a piece of cake. Until then, I’m the beachy brunette behind the screen talking to you about the hardships of being a beachy teen caught between the mountains.

I don’t know why I wrote this: maybe to clarify some things with myself or maybe just for the fun of it. Either way, I’m happy that I did.